Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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