Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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