when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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