I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
