Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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