is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
