I wish I could teleport
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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