But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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