My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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