3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
