I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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