Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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