TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Everyone says I win the strip club
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
