youre lurking in front of me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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