You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
