Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
