Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
