what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
