so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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