There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize