new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
