HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize