So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
