I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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