Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
