Sponge bath it is.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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