He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
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You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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