There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
