Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
