This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
