I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
