my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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