i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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