The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
