I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
