the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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