dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
