Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
