i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
