woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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