i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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