she was so not down for the gang bang
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
