Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
