What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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