YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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