Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
