never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
