He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
