How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
