She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
