I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
