Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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