I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
