All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??