I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Who died my cat blue again?