absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.