I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house