I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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