So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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