Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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