Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave