i already hear my dad disowning me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow