i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.