do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
