K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
