Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize