grandma shit on top of the toilet
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
