a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
