she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We are two peas in an std pod
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
